“canção de amor” :: bebel gilberto

so for some reason i have woken up and can’t seem to get back to sleep. i guess this is because i am worried about a lot of things. i worry a lot. have you noticed? here’s a shortlist of the top ones:

i became aware this week that my student loans are in fact already due. i was under the impression that i had a certain number of months after graduation until this happened, and was hoping to have a job by that time. i can defer based on unemployment, but i’m not sure how long i’ll be approved for yet.

the temp agency still hasn’t heard from the company i was going to be working for. they assured me the company is interested, but simply swamped with work and hasn’t gotten to a point they are able to hire me yet. but not hearing for a while makes you worry the worst. did they change their mind? re-prioritize? find someone they liked better?

i owe more money than i have ever in my life, and am not sure how i can realistically pay for all of it. i’m really just dodging bullets at this point, and living from bill to bill. and it’s going to get worse.

it just makes me fear the worst and wonder truly when will i ever be able to take care of myself and have my life sorted. i’m getting ready to turn 28 and i feel like such a wreck!

the last big thing i’m worried about is that our graduation make-up date is the spring commencement, and it’s really important to my parents that i do it. but the thing is, it’s the exact same date as my friends’ eva & alison’s wedding, and i agreed well before the original graduation date that i’d be the best man. i had no way of knowing we wouldn’t have graduation! and i didn’t think about the spring date because i had no reason to. but i’m worried my parents won’t understand.

personally i feel like i’m long overdue for some things to just go smoothly. all these worries are constantly making me sick and not having any money has forced me into being a hermit and i’m losing my mind.

to try and occupy my thoughts i have been cleaning obsessively and watching dvds all the time. once again - hermit.

if the universe is listening, please humor me and let some things turn around!

waiting anxiously,

.:jeff:.